undetermined time

Last days I've been painting a bit. I used to draw all the time when I was little, I loved it, you could even call it being obsessed with pencils. But since secondary school it seems like I've lost half my time and motivation. though I feel bored quit often. For a while I felt a bit down, I was constantly haunted by the idea I lost my creativity, I lost my way of thinking, I couldn't stand it. When you know me a little, you'd know I love to write stories or poetry, but even that seemed to be floating away slowly. I only wrote about the melancholic side of my nostalgia to the city, and to be honest, that only made me sadder than I was before. Fortunately I feel a lot more grateful for the little things lately. Anyway, the paintings may not seem really happy or whatever, though I am. Besides, I don't think you always have to wear a wide smile all the time when you're happy, it's a feeling, not a look.

god, save the queen

god save the queen, we mean it, man
we love our queen, god saves
god save the queen, 'cause tourists are money
and our figurehead is not what she seems
god save the queen, she ain't no human being
there is no future, no no future, in england's dreaming
- god save the queen - 

I love this song covered by Nouvelle Vague. Applicable is that it's the Dutch queen's day today. It's like this singer drinks fabric softener in her coffee every morning; her voice is outstandingly magnificent. These are the songs I prefer listening on a lazy Sunday morning, really, those days save me, I never do anything useful during them. I love singing these songs, on my own, because I really hate singing in front of other people, therefore I also dislike playing my guitar in public, the reason why I quit following lessons. Whatever. Today I went to a fleamarket with my best friend, the stuff there were a bit disappointing, to be honest I expected exceedingly beautiful old shit, not ugly old shit. Therefore I always expect too much. The dress is from forever21, I guess, I'm not sure though. The sandals are from Pieces.

another rainy day

OK, I've been patiently waiting for the sun to shine in Holland, but it refuses to come over and say hello. Anyway, the day after tomorrow I'll go to Leiden again to stay there for a week, so I'm not going to blog much, I'm in a very uninspired phase, very very very very uninspired, sorry. I hope it will float away after I visited the city 'cause my nostalgia is nearly always the case of these unexcitenesses. I don't have any cravings besides for seeing interesting people and buildings there. Therefor I can't wait to live in my hometown. I have been writing these days, writing anything I think of, I literally lay down on my bed with a pen in my right hand and paper in the left, waiting for something good to come up in my mind. Whatever, my head is actually a mess all the time.


short: h&m
tights: primark
blouse: new look

spending your teenage years drinking tea

There isn't really much going on these days, damn, I used to have a really impressing life. You know, where I live is really nothing to do, and when I'm not with my friends I feel bored like crazy. Fortunately I move to the city again next year, it's where I actually grew up, so, yes, when I think of that I'm the happiest person on earth. I really enjoy walking through cities, they give you the feeling you could handle everything, especially Amsterdam. Oh my god, I love Amsterdam's atmosphere, it's such a magnificent feeling you can't describe. Only people who have been there know what I mean, otherwise it sounds quite ridiculous. In short: I'll be happy to leave this sad, empty town next year.

Anyway, you surely recognize it when I tell you about the short eye-contact you make with some strangers you see. You meet their eyes for just two seconds and after that you forget them. I wonder what they think when they look at me, I'd like to know if what they think is positive or negative. But naturally things like these I will never find out perhaps. 

PS. Polaroids are from Venice I visited last summer. I love that city and my camera.

PPS. I will soon post an outfit post. That would definitely be more interesting to see.

xxxxx

we could also go to Paris, instead of school

I've got a new haircut, nothing special actually, only a bit shorter (in the second picture I still got long hair). I wonder how it looks when I curl my hair, maybe it will remind me of the 50's because of the length, that would be so awesome. Anyway, last weeks I've been searching for the motivation to study, but I can't find it anywhere. I'm so fed up with studying for hours in exchange for sufficient marks, I just want to do creative things again. And though I don't actually do my homework I still feel the pressure of it, uchg. I'm in the middle of my testweek, so perhaps I've got more time after this. Oh, and please don't mind me sleepy face and sloppy sweater, I've been walking around in pajamas whole day long.

The wind blew me away from home

Last week I went to my hometown Leiden again and I'm already homesick. One of my dearest friends, Fay, picked me up from the central station, after that we had a magnificent afternoon together. We quickly  run through an h & m store and ended up at the children's department, don't ask why. Fay and I seriously fell in love with the same dress on the same time. The sweetheart bought it immediately, but poor me didn't had enough money. Bought it later anyway, it's perfect.

wearing
crochet dress: h & m children's department
berret &belt: vintage
cardigan: primark


The sweetest kisses,
Caroline

drown up in the air

This weekend was spent in Amsterdam, the wonderful capital of the Netherlands. I don't know what it is, but I seriously fell in love with this city. I've been here for over a hundred times but still I always feel excited and cheerful walkin' though the small alleys or along the canals.
It is possible to fall in love with a place? Guess it might... I don't thing many people from abroad understand this Amsterdam love, maybe you really have to be established for that.

 Yesterday, Saturday, I went to the theater academy, in Amsterdam. Like I said in my previous post I want to go there, perhaps. You know what it is about Amsterdam? It's the feeling you get when you walk through the center with high heels and red painted lips. I can't describe it very well, and the feeling hasn't got a name, but I heard more people recognize this phenomenon. You feel so grown-up, like an Amsterdam student. Maybe one day I'll just buy a house in Amsterdam, then I could feel like it all the time.

 I stayed at a really great friend of mine, who lives there. This morning I spent in a huge man-shirt, listening to Jack Johnson's music, drinking tea. I'm so fond of Sunday mornings like these, doing nothing useful at all. A pity that I had to return home early this afternoon. In the train I wrote a lot, like I always do in the train. Particular that it feels so calm, trains give me so much space to think, while it's actually full of noise all the time.

Kisses,
Caroline

makin' banana pancakes

You know that magical day you wake up early, still a bit sleepy, you open the curtains and THEN: With your eyes wide open you look around, your whole world is painted white and it feels like you live in Narnia.

Though it's not very much, yet, I really feel like a child playing in the snow, making snowman's and throwing snowballs to each other. I suddenly remembered how it felt when your hands are so cold you cannot bend them anymore. Anyway, until there isn't more snow pouring down from the shy I'll be dancin' in my skirt which is fluttering so wonderful.

wearing:
berret: vintage
skirt: primark
belt: zara
jumper: vintage
shoes: van haren (dutch store)

Sweet love and kisses,
Caroline

P.S. Try this: Go to this site (click!) . Now open another tab, go to YouTube and listen to Jack Johnson's jollify song 'Banana pancakes'. I discovered this rain-sound-site early this morning and I directly fell in love with it! I actually made banana pancakes because I liked the song so bad. Pancakes + Nutella + Banana = Heaven.